“Sexual orientation or sexual preference” was a phrase that caught my eye last week in surfing the internet. As I continued to think about this question, I realized I have used sexual preference numerous times in conveying information about myself.
What has me bothered is that I have used words that convey that I had a choice. I do not prefer women like I prefer coke over pepsi, democrat over republican or Christian over Muslim. I was drawn to the female population at a young age and never had a choice. It came naturally.
I’ve realized with horror that I’ve used words given to me by society to convey something about myself that is not true. I am wondering where the popular phrase of “sexual preference” came from? Maybe some of you know of its origin?
From now on, I will be using sexual orientation, or possibly sexual identity. It is a part of who I am, much like my unique characteristics or personality. Maybe if we all stop using sexual preference and replace it with orientation or identity, more people will stop thinking of it as a choice? ©2007 dr pers
April 11, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I so understand what you’re saying here… it’s never been easy to be a lesbian, certainly not a choice I made.
I don’t prefer to be a lesbian, it’s just what I am.
April 11, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Right on Paula. Many of us have realized we were somehow “different” from an early age… just something that was always there. I haven’t heard of any heterosexuals who can actually remember making a decision or chosing to be drawn to the opposite sex… so why do they think it was any different for me?
Thanks for your comments. dr pers
April 15, 2007 at 7:47 pm
A lot of people make claims that homosexuality is a choice. They would also have to claim as well that attraction is a choice. And then your amount of masculinity and femininity is a choice, and I could go on forever. Some claim that it rubbed off from a parent. My cousin I grew up with commented, “I always thought you were different than all the other girls, you were always more like a boy to me.” My mother, tried her hardest to make me feminine all my years growing up, and I’m still who God made me to be, Masculine and lesbian. To be anything other would be to live a lie. I tried staying single because of the controversy over being Christian and lesbian. It seemed fine with many as long as I wasn’t in a relationship. The sad thing is they were happy and I was not! God told me I needed to be real and stop denying who I was regardless of the ignorance of others.
April 15, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Good to hear from you Bren. I hope you’re finding happiness in being who you are! My mom would have liked me to wear more dresses than jeans… so I have similar memories!