Choosing Sexual Orientation

There still seems to be a lot of people who think that gay people choose their orientation.

My nephew asked his mom (my sister), how it was that my partner came to be a part of our family?  He  finally noticed that she came with me regularly to family events and she seemed to fit in.  My sister   decided it was time to tell him that I was a lesbian.  

He did not have any extreme or shocking reaction, but his question was rather typical.  He asked if I had dated guys much in high school, which I hadn’t, so he thought that was an explanation for not liking men.  I just didn’t have enough experience with the opposite sex!

There are those who tend to think that one needs to date the opposite sex, or just haven’t met the “right” opposite sex to ring your bells.  So let’s reverse this kind of logic for the straight individual.

1.  Does a straight person need to date and fool around with the same sex in order to know whom he/she is attracted to?   Seems kind of ridiculous doesn’t  it?

2.  If you are straight, at what age did you choose  to be attracted to the opposite sex?   Not many straight people I know can answer that.  So why are there people who think we made a choice about our sexual orientation?

Yes, there are some in the world who go back and forth between same sex and opposite sex.  It sure seems like its a choice, doesn’t it?  There are also many of us, who stick regularly with the opposite sex, or same sex, and it wasn’t a conscious choice.

No, most people don’t choose their sexual orientation.

dr pers  © 2009

Technorati tags: choosing sexual orientation, choosing to be gay, choosing to be straight, sexual orientation

 

gays are worse threat to America than terrorism…

I am sorry to say I live in Oklahoma where State Representative Sally Kerns believes that “homosexuality is a bigger threat to America than terrorism or Islam.”  While the following letter to Rep. Kern is rather lengthy for a post, its definitely worth your time. It was written by an Oklahoma high school senior.

drpers

Rep Kern:

“On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb that killed my mother and 167 others. 19 children died that day. Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would’ve likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were injured that day and many of those still suffer through their permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn’t live up to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the homosexual agenda is worse than terrorism. I can most certainly tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind of doubt you’ll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a beautiful, wise, and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you told me that my mother’s killer was a better person than a group of people that are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.

You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they’ve been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I’ve spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen, however, many gay students beat up and there’s never a day in school that has went by when I haven’t heard the word **** slung at someone. I’ve been called gay slurs many times and they hurt and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They’ve already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them names. After all, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could’ve met my mom. Maybe she could’ve guided you in how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she won’t be there. So I’ll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no intentions to ever return here. I have no doubt that people like you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more people again. I don’t want to be here for that. I just can’t go through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me. Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.”

Sincerely

Tucker

Technorati tags: homosexuality, terrorism, Sally Kern, gay bashing, hate, family values, christian and gay, sticks and stones, powerof words, Oklahoma bombing

 

homosexuals are a bigger threat than terrorists…

The recorded remarks against homosexuals by OK State Rep. Sally Kern has set off a firestorm this past week. Rep. Kern said earlier this year that homosexuals are “the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam.” OK House Speaker Chris Benge said there are no plans to censure her or have her apologize.

An open letter to Rep. Kern:

“Dear Rep. Kern,

Your remarks about homosexuals being the greatest threat to America is completely outrageous and lacks significant substance.

I imagine if you and I met face to face, and you knew that I was a mother of a U.S. Marine, who has completed two tours to Iraq, you would express your gratefulness for our family’s sacrifice and your appreciation for his commitment and dedication.

How is it then, that this Christian lesbian mother who has raised a courageous U.S. Marine, who taught him Christian values, who took him to Church regularly, who inspired him to be his best in “body, mind and soul,” is such a tremendous threat to you and other Americans?

Has it ever occurred to you, that I am the woman that sits next to you in church,the woman who smiled at you as we passed in the grocery store, the woman who held the door for you as you walked thru with your cup of coffee? How is it that I create such fear in your heart?

I am just one of the homosexuals who raised sons and daughters to protect your freedom of speech. Rather ironic isn’t it, that you would use this precious freedom to insult the parents of these brave men and women, who otherwise have similar values to yours?

I hardly think I am a bigger threat to America than terrorism and Islam. If anything, your thoughtless remarks are very revealing of where the real threat lies.

Ms Kern, all of us make mistakes. If you take the time to get to know some of the fine and outstanding people in our community, you will likely realize the error of making such misinformed statements.”

Hopeful for an apology,

drpers

©2008

Technorati tags: homosexuals, lesbians, values, bigger threat, Islam, Sally Kern, freedom of speech, christian and gay, ignorance

 

Pride parade or freak show?

In a Yahoo group that I belong to, an interesting discussion surfaced about the nature of this year’s Pride Parade. The response that follows was written by a passionate woman named Sarah.

“I will fight to the death for anyone’s right to free speech, including Fred Phelps right to picket faggot funerals… (his words with freedom of speech, not mine).  HOWEVER…. there is also a time and a place for everything.. and letting your butt cheeks hang out in public is never appropriate, nor is tweaked out crystal heads humping their boyfriend of the day, while the local tv films it and says .. oh look at what gay and lesbian people look like and this is what they are proud of…

At my age, and God am I starting to sound old, I want to give people a view of who we are every day. The less shocked they are at who we are and how we behave, the more we will be accepted.  I think it would be an awesome moment in gay and lesbian history if all the teachers showed up dressed to teach, the moms and dads who have children ride a float showing off their families, the firefighters and police officers in uniform, the judges in their robes, the lawyers in their suits and the doctors in their scrubs…. instead of seeing my local firefighter wearing ass less chaps and nothing else.

It is not a FREAK Parade, it’s a PRIDE Parade…. however, it has become a freak parade of nothing more than Drag Queens and Twinkies…. . instead of showing the entire community for what we are as a whole..

As you age, you will also realize you don’t gain acceptance for outlandish behavior, but normal behavior scares the hell out of the straight community. And if we give them the freak parade they want, then we have no one else to blame for the discrimination we suffer…
Fly your freak flag…. just stand over there…..”

(Posted with Sarah’s permission)  ©2008

Technorati tags: Pride Parade, homosexuality, gay, lesbian, discrimination, freak, gay community, acceptance, normal behavior

 

action in the bedroom…

After a Friday night of eating out and visiting the local garden store, I suggested to my partner that maybe we should consider going to a theater for a good action movie. Without missing a beat, this serious techie woman said, “I get enough action in the bedroom, I don’t need to see a movie!” I slowly turned my head towards her, blushed and burst out laughing.  She and I both know that most of the action in our bedroom is related to watching HBO!  Oh my…. I sure did feel good for a minute or two!

 

Technorati tags: action movie, action in the bedroom, relationshps, lesbians, humor

 

not realizing the potential…

My partner surprised me recently by giving me two extra wide monitors for my birthday.  Not realizing the potential, I was dumbfounded. What do I need (two) wide monitors for? (I didn’t say this out loud.) In her research, she read that video editing, working in Photoshop, is easier when you have more monitor space. We’ve talked about larger monitors for some time, but I really couldn’t imagine that it would be that big of a deal for the cost involved.

I told my sister, that J gave me two monitors for my birthday and she said, “what do you need two monitors for?” I said, “I am not sure, but J thinks I need them!”

We hooked up one monitor because this is going to require serious desk reorganization. A few days go by, my partner is wondering to herself if she made a big mistake with that big purchase. I open Photoshop several days later and whooooaaaaaa…. is this ever cool. I open up Microsoft Word and whooooaaaaa… is this ever convenient. I open up the video software…. and my lucky stars…. how did I get by with a 17 inch monitor before??

With an extra wide monitor, you can view two normal size pages at the same time, side by side. If you’re cutting and pasting, back and forth between two documents, or comparing information from two different windows, no opening or minimizing, or clicking to see what’s on the page behind. Extra wide means ample room to see numerous windows, which is a great blessing in video editing and Photoshop work.

My partner feels a LOT better that I love these new monitors and am anxious to get the second one hooked up. I told her it just took me a while to realize what a wonderful gift she had given.

This is so true in life isn’t it?  We don’t always recognize our blessings, the potential of our friends, our spouse and family members.  Hopefully, it doesn’t take a crisis to recognize the wonderful gift of those who love you.

 

Technorati tags: gift, potential, relationships, recognizing blessings

 

a mother to others…

They laid Ms. Ginny in the ground today. Her body rests peacefully after months of illness. I’ll always remember her as the woman who was a “mother to others.”

I first met Ginny when visiting the church that we eventually put our roots down into. As my eleven year old son and I tried to make a hasty exit out of the sanctuary, I was approached by a friendly woman who proceeded to make comfortable conversation. As this interesting dialogue approached the 15 minute mark, I glanced around to see if my son was still waiting for me. He was engaged in conversation with Ms. Ginny and her sister. Of course I hadn’t met Ginny yet, but any adult who made the effort to make a young visitor feel welcome, began to rate very high on my list.

As we became active in that congregation, it became obvious that Ms Ginny was a special person. Her smooth, calm voice had a way of conveying assurance and acceptance. She lived her life in a way that offered unconditional love to those who had been rejected. When other mothers renounced their sons because of their sexual orientation, Ginny was there to offer friendship, love, and a shoulder to cry on.

There is one Mother’s Day I hope I never forget. Ginny had recently fallen and needed assistance to walk. When she arrived at church, a member of the choir named Barry, greeted her affectionately. It was obvious that Ms. Ginny meant a lot to Barry. He pinned on a corsage and proudly escorted her to a pew. It was a touching moment. Ms. Ginny wasn’t Barry’s natural mother, but yet a real mother. She offered Barry unconditional love during a difficult time in his life, and became like family to him and his partner.

Yes, that part of the sanctuary is a little darker where Ms. Ginny usually sat. However, her life reminds me and all who knew her, the importance of being a loving presence. That place in the sanctuary will become brighter as others fill in for her absence. This is one way the love of God is passed on from generation to generation, learning from and being inspired by the saints who have lived amongst us.

Goodbye Ms. Ginny, thank you for showing us how to be a “real mother” to others.  ©2007

Technorati tags: mother to others, sexual orientation, unconditional love, love of God, saint, loving presence, real mother

 

#3 of 3 in series: five more issues to discuss online before meeting in person…

11) What kind of baggage does the other carry related to past relationships? What has been the length of time since the last serious relationship? What were the hurtful issues, have they been healed?

12) Are they married, are they still living together with their EX, what is their living arrangement? How attached are you to your location? Do you need to be near family and friends? How easily do you make new friends? If you were to live together, who would move?

13) What are their attitudes about sex, what kind of sex or stimulation do they most enjoy? Are you willing to try new techniques or expand your horizons?

(14) What place does faith or spirituality have in their life? What commonality or differences do you have in religious beliefs? How will you celebrate religious holidays and with whom?

15) Are they interested in a long term commitment or short term fling? Does this match your expectations? Is he or she the kind of person that you would logically choose or are compatible with if feelings and emotions weren’t involved?

By all means, this is not an exhaustive list, but a good place to start.  When you decide to meet in person, someone you’ve met online, hopefully their walk matches their talk.  If not, keep looking.  Truthfulness is an important foundation to a trusting relationship. Good luck and be careful out there!

See:  #1 of 3 in series: 

       #2 of 3 in series:

 

Technorati tags: online chatting, relationships, dating, sex attitudes, long term commitment, importance of religious beliefs, sexuality, values, relationship baggage

 

#2 in series: five more issues to discuss online before meeting in person

Discussing value issues before you meet, helps to determine how compatible you are with another.  Studies show that higher compatibility leads to happier relationships….especially if you are thinking long term.   It is easier to determine compatibility on many of the long term values before you become emotionally and physically involved.   After one’s hormones kick in, rational tends to get left in the dust.

Here are another five issues to discuss before meeting!

6) What physical limitations does the other have? How well do you do with caring for someone when they are sick? Do you mind changing plans and staying home when the other is not feeling well?

7) How do you feel about monogamy or open ended relationships? How do you feel about porn, about flirting online with others? Is it okay for your partner or spouse to go out with friends without you?

8) How “out” are you, to family, friends, work colleagues? Will the other be welcome at family gatherings?

9) Are you a homebody or a party animal? What kinds of activities do you picture the two of you doing together?

10) How do you feel about communication, contact with ex-lovers? Is it okay for ex lovers to meet alone or only in group situations? Why or why not?

Technorati tags: dating, relationships, values, compatibility, monogamy, extramarital, homebody, exlovers, online chatting

 

#1 in series: five issues to discuss online before meeting in person!

As indicated in a previous post, my partner and I met in an online chat room. This past weekend we were discussing things that we knew and wished we known, prior to meeting. Assuming you are an adult and single, if you’re falling for someone you’ve met online,  or offline for that matter,  we recommend discussing these things for compatibility before getting emotionally involved.  They reflect some pretty big value issues.

1) Does the other have any children, how many, what are the ages. Are you interested in becoming a parent short term or long term?

2) Does the other have pets, how many, do they sleep in bed? How do you feel about pets, about taking them with you on vacations, getting up in the night to let them outside, peeing on your carpet, scratching your furniture?

3) How much debt does the other have, what financial goals does she/he have? Financially independent? Do you mind spending your money on the other’s debt? Which comes first: new entertainment items, household items or utility bills?

4) Does the other have a career or will any job do? Certain careers such as doctors, clergy, law enforcement, will present special challenges for a social and family life. Which comes first, your relationship or your job?

5) Does he/she have any interests or hobbies that they are very involved in and require participation in on weekends? Do you have hobbies, do you mind spending weekend time alone?

dr pers

Technorati tags: dating, relationships, online chatting, compatibility, values, debt, career, children, pets, consuming hobbies, time alone