Another ADD kid on medication…

Another ADD kid on medication…

While my son had his sweet times and I love him dearly, he was a difficult child to raise. There was never a dull moment and it seemed like he was constantly testing me to my limits. At one point, I was so utterly frustrated and helpless with him, I considered contacting social services. It was devastating to find myself in this situation and I did not think I could handle him anymore.

I grew up in a home where spanking was effective. I only remember one spanking, and it was the last. Many of us repeat what is familiar and I began spanking as a form of discipline too. I was aware of the stories where spanking turned into beatings, so I had the limit of three whacks. Surprisingly, these did not phase my son at age 4, 5 or 6. He would laugh and say, “it didn’t hurt..” I can’t tell you the wild thoughts that ran thru my mind when I heard those words. I will tell you, he is lucky to be alive!!!

Amazingly, this low point, pushed me to having him evaluated. A neurologist had me read books about Attention Deficit Disorder and we evaluated his patterns and behavior. At age 6, this doctor decided to put him on medication and I worked on becoming more structured and consistent in my parenting skills. Life at home and at school began to improve.

I am thankful to this day that he was diagnosed early and didn’t fall behind in school. He always had trouble with math, but loved to read about military history.

He took meds till about age 15. At that age, it was difficult to tell if the meds were providing any benefit. When one of his teachers told me that BJ doesn’t seem to have that usual sparkle in his eyes, I decided this was the time to stop. School never came easy for him but he managed to accomplish enough to graduate from high school. He now tells me that he didn’t apply himself and wishes he would have put forth more effort. Sound familiar?

With 30-50 per cent of young black men not graduating from high school, I am proud of his accomplishment.

Today, he is a Sgt in the U.S. Marine Corps and putting forth his best.  dr pers ©2007

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a parenting expert till I had one of my own…

No one should be able to offer parenting expertise until s/he has at least one of his/her own!

My son was the sweetest child until he was 2 years old.  He never recovered from the terrible twos until the Marines got a hold of him!  While that is a bit of an exaggeration, he is now back to his  sweet old self.

From the time that he was adopted, he was  my little bundle of  joy.   He was a little bundle of energy, a little bundle of mischief,  a little bundle of “what can I get into next?”  But such a wonderful sweet child!

There were two periods in my life prior to 2002, before 1984 and after 1984. Before 1984, I was an expert on parenting and could easily tell you how other parents should be raising their children. After 1984, I wasn’t sure what other parents should be doing because I discovered it wasn’t as easy as I assumed.

Before 1984,  I spent a lot of time working in ministry, a little time working household. After 1984, I worked 40 hours in ministry,  parented  40 hours, and spent 40 hours doing household related stuff. I use to wonder about all the time I wasted before 1984!  

In his junior and senior years, things were easier.  My little bundle of joy became a big bundle of joy and he could do some things for himself. He could cook his own meals, but couldn’t find the dishwasher. He could trim and shave his facial hair but forget to clean the sink afterwards. He could get himself up and off to school but not remember to take his key.  I am sure the neighbors wondered about this guy that spent so much time sitting on the front step! (I locked the door when I went to work.)

Everyone learns sooner orlater… and so did my big bundle of joy. After hs graduation, he went off to join the Marines.  He quickly learned all the things he was having trouble remembering at home!

Presently in his second deployment to Iraq, we surround our big bundle of joy with our prayers and strength.

© 2007 dr pers