Every adopted parent wonders if the time will come when your adopted child will want to search and/or find his/her birth mother and father.   My time has finally come.

My son announced in December that he and his wife are expecting.  Baby check ups have led to my son wondering more about his hereditary health issues.  A phone conversation with him this month, led to a discussion about his birth mother. 

I have known a few things about her.  She was 14 years old at the time, a big factor in her decision.  Her parents had just had twins, so they felt they couldn’t afford another child at the time.   When my son would occasionally ask about his birth mother when growing up, I tried to answer as honestly and positively as I could. 

In this conversation, I told him that I had some pictures of her and other children.  Through the adoption agency, she sent a letter and pictures.  He has two sisters and a fourth child was on its way in 1994.   He was 10 years old and I thought too young to be given these pictures. He is now 24 and finding out for the first time that I’ve had this info.

He indicated that he would like to pursue locating her.  I took a package of adoption records and info to the post office today, the pictures too.  I feel most sad that I am not able to be with him and share in those moments when he views those pictures.   He lives too far away and I will not see him till late August.  He thought he would have more time now to start the process before the baby arrives.  And so it goes.       

This is just another step in the journey.  I have mixed emotions of course, and will write more about that in another post.

© 2008 drpers

Ever since my partner and I have moved to a new state and city, we have been aware of the need to find new friends. Approaching our second year of new residence, we have become more intentional about attending events where we might make some gay or lesbian friends.

We found a church we like, so we started attending more regularly. We belong to a couple of email groups and attended a few social gatherings. What have we discovered thus far?

The couples that we have had the opportunity to visit with, don’t visit back! We ask them non threatening questions, allow for a lull in the conversation, give them a chance to ask us something, and zippo!  Zero! After one and two hours of not being asked a single question, we are a bit stunned. Nobody seems interested in us.

So we took an inventory:

1. Did we make eye contact? Yes.

2. Did we ask about their interests, family, jobs, how they met? Yes.

3. Were we courteous? Yes.

4, Were we kind? Yes.

5. Did we smile? Yes

6. Toothless grin? No

7. Did we chatter nonstop? No.

8. Ask about money? No.

9. Ask about religion or politics? No.

10. Discuss Sex? No.

Obviously, we are still looking for friends. We have some more possibilities at the church we are attending, but if all else fails, there’s always straight people. I was just hoping at some point in my life, to have a few interesting lesbian friends. Wish us luck!

After making a popular Midwest city our home for ten years, new employment would require my partner and I to move farther west to a new state.

Besides missing the liberal lifestyle of this smaller city, I felt horribly guilty that my son would not have a home to “come home” to. He was in the military and I prepared him in advance, that it was likely that we would have to move, when either my partner or I found a new job. I told him, that I felt terrible that he would not have a home to visit when he wanted to come back to see his friends. When I finished apologizing, my 20 year old son didn’t whine, didn’t try to make me feel guilty, but simply said, “that’s life, mom. Things are always changing.”

While my son didn’t get high marks in school, he gets high marks for understanding the twists and turns of life. Gosh, I love that kid!

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